Contemplating Self-Mothering

I write this as I am listening to a CD series called Warming the Stone Child:  Myths and Stories about Abandonment and the Unmothered Child, by Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Ph.D.

Self-Mothering
I have a passion for exploring motherhood...not only mothering our children, but also Mothering Ourselves.  From what I can tell from my experience, one is intricately linked with the other.

Although I have been on this Journey of Motherhood for only five years, I have been Journeying Mothering Myself for quite some time.  Years ago I became aware of the "child" inside me who was "running the show".  I also became aware of my "teenage" tendency to strive for achievement and success above and beyond anything else.  Hence, 12 years in a Corporate Profession of following the parental corporate lead, pleasing, do-gooding, and rising in the ranks.

Although the awareness is there, there are more times than not that the practice of self-mothering these younger aspects alludes me.  The Negative Voices, the Pressure, the Rules, the Judgment, the Seduction of the Collective's Story of Success...are all very powerful forces that nag and persuade me daily.

And so I continue to contemplate...
Where is the Mother in this system?  Where is the internal Mother who watches after these younger aspects of myself?  "Where is she?"  "Who is she?"  And, most importantly..."How do I grow this Mother aspect of me?"

Clarissa Pinkola Estes says, "In order to grow the internal mother you have to be willing to be decent and good to your self."

AHHHH.  How many of us mothers out there are being decent and good to our selves???  How many of us can say that we treat ourselves with kindness and respect?  Not new information, but hearing it again (for me) and seeing it in black and white (for you), hopefully, will help to solidify the point.  Read it again.

"In order to grow the internal mother you have to be willing to be decent and good to your self."

She goes on to say, "The more you are willing to accept self love, self respect....caring about all the things that you are...that's what develops the internal mother." 

"You have to be willing to accept your own love."

Pray, Pray, Pray
With all of your heart, Pray for Willingness.  Pray for Resources.  Pray for Guidance.  Pray for the Words.  Pray for the Role Models.  Pray for the Energy.  Pray for the Ability.  And Pray for the Love.

And also, Pray for the opportunity to be decent and good to others.  Pray to practice caring for others with great devotion, honor and respect.  And, as you do, you'll be practicing to be a good Mother to you too.

Exploring Mothering Myself

Exploration:  Is how I Mother myself the same as how I Mother my child?  I can ask it the other way:  Is how I Mother my child the same as how I Mother myself?

Today I was at a meeting with several woman.  During a conversation about the business, one woman, a mother, said to me "Your problem is....".  I nearly gasped out loud.

Did she really say that?

I could feel my body contract as the words came out her mouth.

"I wonder if that is how she talks to herself?" I asked myself.  I bet it is.

I am offering myself a whole new door for understanding people and how they "mother" themselves and their children.  Simply listen to how they talk to me.

As for me, I am trying to be very conscious of how I talk to myself.  Sometimes it is easy, sometimes it isn't.  Most of the time it isn't.  Here's a gem:  if I am struggling to hear my own self-talk, I can listen to how I talk to my son.  That will tell me a lot about how I am feeling about myself in that moment.

And it will, perhaps, tell me a little bit about how I am doing at being a loving mother...to myself.